How to protect your child from online grooming

What exactly is grooming?#

It’s the process of someone building a relationship with a child and slowly pushing boundaries. A literature review describes three levels: the child, the people around the child, and the offender justifying it to themselves (Craven, Brown & Gilchrist, 2006).

Online, it can mean praise and rewards, but also intimidation; there is no single type of offender or child (Whittle et al., 2013).

What are the warning signs?#

According to the NSPCC and UK guidance, watch for:

• Excessive attention and gifts — flattery, “you get me like no one else”, in-game gifts or currency.
• “This is just between us.” Pressure not to tell anyone about the contact.
• Isolation — “your parents wouldn’t understand”, pulling the child away from friends and family.
• Pressure to move to a private chat or a different app.
• Asking for a photo or to meet up, even if it seems innocent.

But a private chat or a gift proves nothing on its own — children do both all the time. The warning signs are pressure, enforced secrecy and ignored boundaries: when “no” isn’t accepted and the other person keeps pushing. Tell your child that a gift doesn’t create a debt, and that they can stop replying without explaining — even if the attention felt nice at first.

Why isn’t “stranger danger” enough?#

Most cases don’t look like that. A US research review found the image of a stranger who tricks or forces naive children largely inaccurate; more often an adult gradually builds a relationship with a teenager (Wolak et al., 2008). In a national US survey of young adults looking back on childhood, those responsible for online sexual offences were mostly partners, friends and acquaintances, not online strangers (Finkelhor, Turner & Colburn, 2022).

If a child only hears “don’t talk to strangers”, a nice person “known” from a game for a month may seem fine. It’s more useful to talk about behaviour. As the UK framework for schools puts it, trusting someone is not the same as liking them online (UKCIS, 2020).

How do I talk to my child about it?#

Briefly, calmly and often — not in one big lecture. A systematic review found that scare tactics and lectures alone don’t work; active conversations and practising specific steps do better (Jones, Mitchell & Walsh, 2014).

Phrases to try:

• “A surprise ends happily. A secret that worries you — tell me, even if you promised not to.”
• “You don’t have to know whether it’s wrong. It’s enough that it feels odd.”
• “I won’t be cross with you for telling me.”

Why it matters: in a Finnish study of pupils in years 6 and 9, abused children most often told a friend; only about a quarter told an adult, often feeling “it wasn’t serious enough” (Lahtinen et al., 2018). In a US survey, children were over twice as likely to block or report as to tell an adult (Thorn & Benenson Strategy Group, 2021). Blocking helps, but isn’t enough. Agree on a few “safe adults” outside the family, too.

What should I do if it’s happening?#

1. Stay calm and thank them. “I’m glad you told me. It’s not your fault.”
2. Don’t delete messages or the profile — they matter for reporting.
3. Don’t confront the person or message them as your child.
4. Don’t pay or send anything more if someone asks for money or photos.
5. Report it — in the UK to CEOP or the police; elsewhere to your local police. Get advice from the NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000) or your local child helpline.
6. Don’t take the phone away as a punishment — or they may not come to you next time.

If someone is blackmailing your child with a photo, see our article on what to do straight away.

How our comics approach this#

We are developing the “Safe Online” story, a story in which a child practises spotting pressure, ending contact and going to a trusted adult. It is still in preparation, isn’t available yet, and won’t replace conversation or settings.